Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's never too late to be topless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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