Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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