Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize