I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
