i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
