Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
