i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
