I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
