I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
