So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
