I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
