i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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