Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
