I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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