we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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