Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
