the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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