Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
