Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
