so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
