he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
