i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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