I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
