He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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