I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drake has all the answers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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