literally had 100 drinks last night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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