the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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