I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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