omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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