I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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