i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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