We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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