I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
