Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize