I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
