I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
