At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
