When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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