He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
