oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
