Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
