I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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