Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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