Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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