Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
