The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
