I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
