You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
