i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
