She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
