A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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