She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
