Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
