so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
