Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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