Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
