Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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