I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
