It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
