I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she looked like the before picture.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
