My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
