yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
