I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need a beard to bite.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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