is your mom at the bar?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
