My pussy is not your playground.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
