Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

Fav 37 1310 2788
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(712): View more from Iowa

Walk of Shame. In a state park.

Fav 8 3219 883
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

Fav 17 4602 814
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(937): View more from Ohio

you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.

Fav 40 6198 1183
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(239): View more from Florida

I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

Fav 99 4989 2708
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.

Fav 34 6537 2040
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(434): View more from Virginia

Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.

Fav 3 478 260
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(919): View more from North Carolina

BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST

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