I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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