what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
