So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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