You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
