dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
