i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
