In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
