yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
