sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
