So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
